Sunday, April 12, 2009

"he wanted a big cup of joe! (cup of joe)"

i grew up in the methodist church. which is how we say it, those of us in the churchy know, "grew up in the church," which is a little silly because i think most of us actually grew up in a house somewhere near whatever church we're talking about.

regardless. methodists are ALMOST the most reserved christians i know. and i love that. it's comfortable (i love my comfort zone), it's traditional (for me), very seldom does someone ask you about your "walk with god" or get nosy with your personal business (good for introverts like me), prayers are generally read from a book, and everyone usually stands very still while singing 3 or 4 hymns i know very well from my childhood.

my husband on the other hand, he grew up going to a more charismatic church. what this means to me (on the surface only): worship band, repetitive worship songs, arms waving, people swaying, TEARS, dancing, audience participation (glib i know). this is not comfortable to me.

after going to a christian college and thereby "experimenting" with churches to find the right fit, and attending my husbands former church with him and his family occasionally for years, i began to think that there were real christians and ordinary christians and the real ones cried in church. but no matter how i tried...i only felt more guilty that i wasn't feeling it like everyone else and i started to resent church because it just made me uncomfortable and that's no fun.

all this to say. i like the methodist church. after visiting one on christmas eve with my sister and her family it felt so right to be there. i know this is largely due to my upbringing and the familiarity of it, but also it fits my personality and how much i like to keep to myself about serious things. (ask my poor dear open thinking takes a lot to get me talking that matters?)

and this morning i'm not going to church, but just the mention of easter recalls a couple of hymns i used to love to sing out - into the thick scent of easter lilies and into the sea of pastel easter outfits of families i knew but not too well (which is just how i like it).

so in my head i'm singing...
"christ the lord is risen today...ha a a a a le lu u jah"
"up from the grave he arose! he arose"

over and over and over. i can never quite remember the rest of the words, but the tunes are there and they'll be hummed all day...i'm sure of it. sometimes i make up the words and i think jesus and god would appreciate my sense of humor when i sing
"up from the grave he arose! with a little chicken on his nose! (on his nose)"
"up from the grave he arose! with nothing on - he needed clothes! (needed clothes)"
(i THINK it's actually something about "victory o'er his foes"...)

anyway. when i think of church as a kid i remember it fondly.
when i think of church as a young adult i remember it with guilt and confusion and DISCOMFORT (gasp - the horror!).
i think, if i choose to be a churchgoer again, i'll try to do it like when i was little.

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